So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
