I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
