I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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