I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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