I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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