You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
