Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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