you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
