I need to stop coming to work sober
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
