the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
