Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
