we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
