i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
