Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
