He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
