All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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