Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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