i would punch a child for taco bell
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
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we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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