Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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