no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize