I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
