she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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