apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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