Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
