I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
