It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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