She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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