ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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