so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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