Soap is not a condiment
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My dick has a subreddit
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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