Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You've changed since you got that strap on
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
