So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
