she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
