Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
