yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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