you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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