I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
