I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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