If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
