oh god the rape fog is back!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
