took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
