I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
