So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
