Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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