I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
