you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
