Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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