I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
