I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize