i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
40s are totally the cure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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