Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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