matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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