Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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