Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
