I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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