my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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