You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
