You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
