He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
