I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
tell me about the eggs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
