i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
