I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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