1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
